"I've learned… that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes."
―Andy Rooney
The Poopie List
1. GHOST POOPIE
The kind that you feel the poopie come out but there is no
poopie in the toilet.
2. CLEAN POOPIE
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but
there's no poopie on the toilet paper.
3. WET POOPIE
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still
feels un-wiped, so you have to put toilet paper between your butt and your
underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
4. SECOND WAVE POOPIE
This happens when your done poopie-ing and you've pulled
your pants up to your knees and you realize you have to poopie some more.
5. POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE
The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you
practically have a stroke.
6. LINCOLN LOG POOPIE
The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush
without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
7. GASSY POOPIE
It's so noisy; everything within earshot is giggling.
8. DRINKING POOPIE
The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night
of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is skid marks on the bottom of the
toilet.
9. CORN POOPIE
Self-explanatory.
10. GEE-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE-POOPIE
The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on
the toilet and fart a few times.
11. SPINAL TAP POOPIE
That's where it hurts so badly coming out that you'd swear
it was leaving you sideways.
12. WET CHEEKS POOPIE (THE POWER DUMP)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt
cheeks get splashed with water.
13. LIQUID POOPIE
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your
butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
14. MEXICAN POOPIE
It smells so bad your nose burns.
15. UPPER CLASS POOPIE
The kind of poopie that doesn't smell.
16. SURPRISE POOPIE
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are
about to fart, but oopsi, A POOPIE!
17. THE DANGLING POOPIE
The poopie refuses to fall into the toilet, even though you
know you are done poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will
cut it loose.
18. THE CLEANSE POOPIE
The kind that looks like everything from your past, and
then mingled with an alien from another planet.
19. FREEDOM POOPIE
The kind you get from NO MORE CONSTIPATION, after
completing an intestinal cleanse.
20. GOLDEN POOPIE
The poopie that contains all those expensive vitamins,
minerals etc. that your body didn't assimilate.
21. PERFECT POOPIE
Easssy, stress free, light, & floatie, wipe almost
optional.... Usually the result of a perfect diet.
―Author Unknown
